December 5th, 2008.
I had just finished my shift at the pharmacy I was the manager of, a grueling 10 hours spent on my feet without a lunch break and barely a chance to go to the bathroom. Yeah, pretty much the norm. I was ready to go home and relax...to take some pills and crawl into bed and not get out all weekend. That was pretty much the norm too. Get up, work, go home, take pills, and try to sleep; rinse and repeat.
My other staff pharmacist had arrived and I was doing my best to get out of there and just get home. My district pharmacy manager appeared out of no where and wanted 'to talk.' So I headed to the manager's (principle's) office and was confronted by the director of loss prevention, the district manager and the district pharmacy manager. They asked me a bunch of questions. I told them the truth. I was making my own prescriptions for drugs that had been prescribed to me almost a year ago. I didn't make time to go to the doctor to get a refill, I just did it myself. I knew it was wrong, but I just didn't want to steal them from the pharmacy (that would be wrong).
They didn't beat around the bush and they didn't waste their time. They fired me and escorted me out of the building. I was mortified. They let me know that they would be contacting the local Board of Pharmacy and the authorities.
When I made it home I broke down and told my husband and my family. I hadn't just lost my job, I had be fired...terminated with cause. And that wasn't even the beginning of it. I told them about the forged prescriptions and what all I was taking and what I could expect to happen. They hugged me and told me they loved me anyways.
I was awake for the next 4 days. I couldn't sleep, the guilt was eating me alive. I was so afraid that the police would show up at my door with a search warrent and seize everything in it that I took every single pill in the house and stuck them in the blender and chopped them all up and mixed them with cat litter and threw them away. Then I took all the labels off of the bottles and burned them in the back yard.
That weekend I went through withdrawal symptoms as I detoxed off the meds I had become dependent on. I had rebound insomnia, I couldn't stand the smell of food, I was throwing up left and right and couldn't even keep water in me. I lost about 15 pounds in one weekend. I ended up having a seizure because of the abrupt discontinuation of some of the medications.
Little did I know that this was the start of one amazing journey...
Friday, May 14, 2010
Saturday, August 15, 2009
What do you Believe?
When religion comes up in conversation people are often asked what church they go to...are you Catholic, Baptist, Lutheran, non-denominational, etc.
What does it matter? I am a Christian. And that's always my answer. I was raised in a certain denomination and I may attend a certain church...but being Baptist or Catholic DOES NOT define my beliefs or my faith. I am a Christian, period.
Now, I believe that if you choose to attend church you should go to one that closely mirrors your own beliefs. Not the beliefs that other people have and definitely not the ones you were spoonfed growing up in church. No, you need to get down on your knees and get into the Word and come to a place that you know what you believe and why you believe it and be able to back it up with Scripture...not an "well I think."
Because it truly doesn't matter what WE think. In the end we are all subject to the same judgement.
Too many people are judgemental these days, especially when it comes to "oh, you're Church of Christ" or "you're a Catholic?" who cares?!? We all love and worship the same God, the ONE and ONLY GOD. Why can't we all get along?
People have the right to have an opinion to what they believe, be it ultimately right or wrong...God is the only judge there is. What right does anyone have to judge someone about their faith based on what church they go to? We are sinners, we have no right to judge at all.
I have faith in what I believe in. And it came at a stiff price...paid with blood. Through Jesus' death and resurrection I am saved, my sins are forgiven. I am not perfect, nor will I ever be, but I am a child of the King.
What does it matter? I am a Christian. And that's always my answer. I was raised in a certain denomination and I may attend a certain church...but being Baptist or Catholic DOES NOT define my beliefs or my faith. I am a Christian, period.
Now, I believe that if you choose to attend church you should go to one that closely mirrors your own beliefs. Not the beliefs that other people have and definitely not the ones you were spoonfed growing up in church. No, you need to get down on your knees and get into the Word and come to a place that you know what you believe and why you believe it and be able to back it up with Scripture...not an "well I think."
Because it truly doesn't matter what WE think. In the end we are all subject to the same judgement.
Too many people are judgemental these days, especially when it comes to "oh, you're Church of Christ" or "you're a Catholic?" who cares?!? We all love and worship the same God, the ONE and ONLY GOD. Why can't we all get along?
People have the right to have an opinion to what they believe, be it ultimately right or wrong...God is the only judge there is. What right does anyone have to judge someone about their faith based on what church they go to? We are sinners, we have no right to judge at all.
I have faith in what I believe in. And it came at a stiff price...paid with blood. Through Jesus' death and resurrection I am saved, my sins are forgiven. I am not perfect, nor will I ever be, but I am a child of the King.
Monday, August 10, 2009
He's Still Working on Me
Like a lot of people in the Bible Belt, I grew up going to church. There wasn't any question about what you'd do on Sunday...you went to church. It didn't matter what kind of church, you went, it was the norm.
I grew up in fairly small church that also had private school I attended. You could say I had a very "sheltered" childhood. I remember when I was in grade school two neighbors that went to public school talking about New Kids on the Block...they were all the rage...and I had absolutely no clue who they were.
I had this little red record player growing up...and yes, I am old enough to remember records, but just barely. Anyways, I had this record of a Christian artist called "Little Markie" and it had two songs on it. One side had "This Little Light of Mine" and the other had "He's Still Working on Me."
My dad had this bright idea of playing in one Sunday at church and letting me get up in front of everyone and sing it...because it would be SO cute. And it's weird how this is one of my most prominent memories of my childhood. Anyways, these two little old ladies gave me a piece of gum to chew on before church and I distinctly remember my mother telling me to remember to spit it out before I went up to sing. So there I am in the middle of my song, singing away, and I remember...I still have the gum in my mouth. So I did what any other 5 year old would do. I turned around to my dad at the piano and stop mid-song and scream "Daddy, daddy, I forgot to spit out my gum!"
That woke everyone in the church up...I spit it out, finished my song, and returned to my seat beside my very embarrassed mother. Needless to say, I never sang in church again.
However, even at 5 years old I had a vague idea of what this song meant. 20 years later...I can still sing the chorus to this song.
He's still working on me to make me what I ought to be,
It took him just a week to make the moon and the stars,
the sun and the Earth and Jupiter and Mars,
How loving and patient he must be, cause He's still working on me.
I caught myself humming it the other day out of the blue. I stopped to think about it, I mean really think about my life and really found comfort in this little kid's Sunday School song.
God's grace is amazing.
I grew up in fairly small church that also had private school I attended. You could say I had a very "sheltered" childhood. I remember when I was in grade school two neighbors that went to public school talking about New Kids on the Block...they were all the rage...and I had absolutely no clue who they were.
I had this little red record player growing up...and yes, I am old enough to remember records, but just barely. Anyways, I had this record of a Christian artist called "Little Markie" and it had two songs on it. One side had "This Little Light of Mine" and the other had "He's Still Working on Me."
My dad had this bright idea of playing in one Sunday at church and letting me get up in front of everyone and sing it...because it would be SO cute. And it's weird how this is one of my most prominent memories of my childhood. Anyways, these two little old ladies gave me a piece of gum to chew on before church and I distinctly remember my mother telling me to remember to spit it out before I went up to sing. So there I am in the middle of my song, singing away, and I remember...I still have the gum in my mouth. So I did what any other 5 year old would do. I turned around to my dad at the piano and stop mid-song and scream "Daddy, daddy, I forgot to spit out my gum!"
That woke everyone in the church up...I spit it out, finished my song, and returned to my seat beside my very embarrassed mother. Needless to say, I never sang in church again.
However, even at 5 years old I had a vague idea of what this song meant. 20 years later...I can still sing the chorus to this song.
He's still working on me to make me what I ought to be,
It took him just a week to make the moon and the stars,
the sun and the Earth and Jupiter and Mars,
How loving and patient he must be, cause He's still working on me.
I caught myself humming it the other day out of the blue. I stopped to think about it, I mean really think about my life and really found comfort in this little kid's Sunday School song.
God's grace is amazing.
Saturday, August 8, 2009
What is Faith?
The dictionary defines it as such:
FAITH (noun):
1. confidance or trust in a person or thing
2. belief that is not based on proof
3. belief in God or in the doctrines or teachings of religion
4. belief in anything, as a code of ethics, standards of merit, etc.
5. a system of religious belief
6. the obligation of loyalty or fidelity to a person, promise, engagement, ect.
7. the observance of this obligation; fidelity to one's promise, oath, allegiance, etc.
8. Christian Theology. the trust in God and in His promises as made through Christ and the Scriptures be which humans are justified or saved.
(www.dictionary.com)
Faith can mean a lot of different things to a lot of different people. My faith means a whole lot to me; your faith should mean a whole lot to you. No matter whom or what your faith is in.
I know this:
I have faith in God...not a god or a religion.
I have faith in my family...I am so blessed to have a family that loves me no matter what happens in my life.
I have faith in myself...which is something that I've recently realized. I've made some REALLY stupid mistakes in my life, my mear quarter of a century that I have been on earth. I have faith in myself that I will make plenty more! I am not perfect, I am human. I was made in the image of God, but I am not God. I cannot control what happens in life, but I can continue to have faith in everything that I do.
And it's amazing what peace you can have when you know you have your Faith.
FAITH (noun):
1. confidance or trust in a person or thing
2. belief that is not based on proof
3. belief in God or in the doctrines or teachings of religion
4. belief in anything, as a code of ethics, standards of merit, etc.
5. a system of religious belief
6. the obligation of loyalty or fidelity to a person, promise, engagement, ect.
7. the observance of this obligation; fidelity to one's promise, oath, allegiance, etc.
8. Christian Theology. the trust in God and in His promises as made through Christ and the Scriptures be which humans are justified or saved.
(www.dictionary.com)
Faith can mean a lot of different things to a lot of different people. My faith means a whole lot to me; your faith should mean a whole lot to you. No matter whom or what your faith is in.
I know this:
I have faith in God...not a god or a religion.
I have faith in my family...I am so blessed to have a family that loves me no matter what happens in my life.
I have faith in myself...which is something that I've recently realized. I've made some REALLY stupid mistakes in my life, my mear quarter of a century that I have been on earth. I have faith in myself that I will make plenty more! I am not perfect, I am human. I was made in the image of God, but I am not God. I cannot control what happens in life, but I can continue to have faith in everything that I do.
And it's amazing what peace you can have when you know you have your Faith.
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